A sense of purpose is essential. Sometimes I feel like I am an afterthought in the economy of God's creation. It's kind of hard to stay happy about being alive when there seems to be little meaning in it.
I quit putting up posters in my room when I was fifteen. I knew my family was just going to move after a few months anyway, so why bother trying to maintain any sort of facade that would suggest a sense of permanence? If we're going to effectively function as nomads, why not look the part? I fought the transient nature of my existence for about a year when I was 23. The ironic act of putting posters on the wall after I had packed up and moved to Colorado has never struck me as significant until this moment. Why then? What made me think things were going to solidify in the wake an act that so visibly demonstrated my identity as a vagabond?
Most people who prize the freedom to move do so from a position of safety. Try having that sort of detachment forced upon you in the most traumatic moments of your life. Try having that happen in the midst of getting used to the idea of terra firma.
I don't have a space to call my own at the moment. I feel very displaced--not because I don't have designated living quarters, but because I just keep drifting around aimlessly. I think all of this somehow connects to my fascination with the sci-fi conceit of the zombie apocalypse. I can relate to the idea of waning humanity in the midst of disintegrating ruins. But I also relate to the zombies. I know what it feels like to wander aimlessly, dead to purpose. Zombies have no living quarters; zombies do not put posters on the wall.
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“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” --Helen Keller
5 comments:
Do you have a craving for brains?
mmmmmm... brains.... must shuffle off to eat brains.... and watch grey's anatomy...
Proof that you aren't a zombie: I talk to you. I wouldn't if you were.
Perhaps you are part of a bigger community?
A. Jones
Don't get on this site often, so I just read this. It made me cognizant of the fact that while Barbara has her walls covered in posters and memorabilia, I have little on the walls. I do have those wooden paintings of fruit from Brown's in Russellville, the shelf Wayne made in high school, and the potholder thing with the geese on it sitting on top of my kitchen cabinets still waiting to be put up. The starry night type picture you did and had framed sits propped up behind my sewing machine, and the Lady & Tramp print Jenn gave me is propped against a speaker on my dresser. After living here a year and a half, all still wait for me to decide to give them a permanent spot. I kind of understand why now.
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