a matter of Cain and Abel.

---Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." --Genesis 4:2-7

---For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. --Romans 6:23


When I was a kid, God's approval of Abel's offering--as opposed to his disapproval of Cain's offering--always seemed a bit random to me. Why wasn't Cain's sacrifice good enough for God? It seemed to me like each of Adam's sons was trying hard to please God; why is a dead animal better than vegetables? It was later explained to me that the sacrifice of an animal was part of the foreshadowing that God implemented in the Bible--a preemptive, real-life parable. Ok, good enough. I mean, it was apparent that God gave Cain plenty of chances to get it right; it was apparent that Cain knew what sacrifice was expected. And God didn't really swat Cain in the butt until he did something that was obviously evil.
Today, I have realized one implication of Cain's actions that had hitherto remained hidden from me. Abel's offering depended on God's grace more so than did Cain's. Abel kept flocks; Cain worked the soil. One son brought what was given him by God in the first place; one son brought what he was able to produce himself. It reminds me of a passage from Mere Christianity by CS Lewis:

--So that when we talk of a man doing anything for God or giving anything to God, I will tell you what it is really like. It is like a small child going to its father and saying, "Daddy, give me sixpence to buy you a birthday
present." Of course, the father does, and he is pleased with the child's present. It is all very nice and proper,
but only an idiot would think that the father is sixpence to the good on the transaction. 1


Death--the only wage we can earn--results from the best of our work; but, fortunately for us, God's work yields a gift of grace that extends far beyond our comprehension.

1 [C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan PublishingCompany, 1960), 125.]

vanity, thy name is intellect.

"I paint because I like to paint. I have no theories." --Jean-Paul Lemieux

I resent people who have more philosophy than passion or sense. People who cling to the philosophy of a thing more than the thing itself are nothing more than vain pedants.
A friend of mine, A___, recently wrote about how she felt inferior to other artists at her college because they were able to effectively complete--whereas she was not--an assignment in which each constructed his/her "artist statement": the philosophy of his/her art. I understand the importance of self-awareness, the importance of focus on an ultimate goal, the importance of understanding the basic outline of one's own purpose; but when priority is placed on the articulation of these abstracts rather than the art that manifests from their consummation, a travesty emerges rather than art. I dropped out of college and ran from the study of literature for this reason: too much vanity, too little life. but i kind of regret having made the decision to leave. This world needs more humble people to create things; this world needs more humble people to thumb their nose at intellectual and artistic snobbery. i think that A___'s lack of pretense is a great gift--it is precicely the reason why she will be a great artist. She will make great art; meanwhile, as likely as not, the rest of her graduating class will be left to idly construct useless philosophies about what makes great art.

mall rat.

i've just realized that i have become the cyber-generation's version of what my generation called "the mall rat." for the past two days, i've been hanging around my computer, jumping back and forth from website to website in much the same manner that a mall rat would make the rounds from store to store. a sad situation. i've been mostly waiting for one particular site to fix their stupid server, but that's no real excuse. i feel really dumb every time i log into myspace and see that the same people that were logged in an hour ago are still logged in. if they see me here, they'll know i'm a loser. wait a minute! they've been online this whole time, too. it's somewhat like not wanting to go to the mall because you don't want your friends to see that you're a mall rat. if your friends are also at the mall, there's not much room for them to launch ridicule. let he who is without constant mall attendance cast the first stone.
but there is a question of ettiquette: do i message these people everytime i see them? is it rude to pass by without a comment? these are questions that someone from my generation is ill-equipped to answer. ... i would know what to do, were i but at the mall instead of at my computer desk...

Whose side are you on anyway?

"God's work done God's way will never lack God's supply." --Hudson Taylor

Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"
"Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell face down to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?" The commander of the LORD'S army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so. --Joshua 5:13-15 (NIV)

I used to wonder about that verse from Joshua. It seems like the commander of the army of the LORD would have sided with Joshua, against the enemies of Israel. But as it turns out, the LORD just is; the matter of alignment is exclusively ours, as we are measured against the plumb-line of where the LORD stands.

And I say all that to point out the fact that American churches and American christians, as a general rule, make plans for themselves and organize things under their own power, and then try to attribute it to God. Maybe that's why church is so lackluster. We build a twenty-thousand dollar, professional sound system and a coffee bar in a big, multi-million dollar building where we can close ourselves off from the intrusive world and put on a good show and talk about how God has blessed us. We have well-orchestrated programs. We have christian-corporate, political ladders to climb; we build them with money we earned ourselves. Just like we built the building with plans we made ourselves. I guess they'll know we are christians by how well we put things together.

Hudson Taylor's statement about God's work, His methodology, and His supply is such a simple observation. And it would be so easy to implement, if we could just align ourselves with what God is doing, rather than doing our own work and expecting God to align Himself with us.

--jlm

a renoir painting in motion.

downtown thomasville. to the coffee shop. brisk temperatures. misty air. a canopy of gentle grey. brick streets. coffee in hand. back to the office. small shops. warmth beneath my fleece jacket. i like to walk, and the cool misty air that swirls beneath the soft grey sky makes me feel like a pleasantly unimportant person in a pleasantly important small town. and that makes me feel good.
--jlm

nothing of important importance.

i'm mostly writing today to stay in the habit of writing. nothing notable has happened today, so i guess i'll flash back to my december car wreck. i'm still not sure what happened there. i was watching the road. i was not speeding. i looked down at my clock for two seconds, and when i put my eyes to the road again, i noticed that the car in front of me was stopped. i don't remember brake lights, but since my brain went directly from realization-mode to panic-screensaver, i can't be completely certain about the status of my accidental target's brake lights. or maybe they had a radiator-seeking back bumper. i'm pretty sure it was someone else's fault, because, frankly, i'm american. americans pass the buck. we even pass the buck when it comes to passing the buck. it's not my fault that i just passed the buck--i'm american. anyway, one amusing observation that emerged from said events requires an extended flashback: i began the morning by realizing i had locked my keys in my car the previous evening. i was really frustrated about that. to the point of cursing my car. it was obviously my car's fault. a friend of mine, John C, had a slim-jim handy, so we proceeded to remedy the situation. we took great care in unlocking my car, so as not to damage it. i'll pause to let this point sink in. ... anyway, John later said that, in light of the ultimate fate of my car, he should have just opened it the easy way-- by throwing a brick through the window. now that all is said and done, i find it funny that i was frustrated by the adversity inherent in the now obviously insignificant situation of having my vehicle rendered useless due to locked-up keys. it's ridiculous that i complained about that. if God hadn't aquiesced (as if he really ever does that) to my temper tantrum and let me have my way, my keys would have remained locked in my car, and i probably wouldn't be writing about this right now. the moral of the story: don't complain. if ever i need perspective on this issue, i need only step out on my front porch and wonder where the front end of my car went.
--jlm

lunch.

at my office, sitting at the computer table, i longingly stare at my lunch, and it reminds me of my favorite CS Lewis quote:
"He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.”
And so i hath already commited lunch. The funny thing is that i'm still hungry.

[begin transmission]

one of my best friends has been blogging here for quite a while: this place seems like a classier venue than myspace. i haven't felt like blogging on myspace for quite some time--hopefully this new beginning will be a remedy of sorts. i've been too busy to write lately; i miss writing. i wish i had something important to say. i have stories to tell, but no important words with which to tell them. for now, i'm feeling very Hemingway--sans the abercrombie & fitch shotgun. i have stories to tell about thomasville and new orleans. maybe i'll tell them tomorrow.