All cats should be secured to a wall...

...with Cook's Cat Glue!
Yes, Cook's Cat Glue is an amazing product that no household should find lacking.
Here is what the public at large has to say about Cook's Cat Glue:

"It's amazing--that cat was glued to the friggin wall!
I was entertained for hours!" --John M.
"Time, not space. No. I have no idea
what you're talking about." --Ian F.

Cook's Cat Glue--for all your mounting-taxidermied-cats-to-the-wall needs!
Cook's Cat Glue! Apply straight to the forehead!

syntactical maneuvers.

so, Herndon wrote for me a sentence. Herndon sentences have high market value. The sentence goes like this:

"Natalie Portman plunged into the Potomac in pursuit of a pantomime who had, previously, purloined Zsa Zsa Gabor's pretty pink parasol."

that is a good sentence, if you ask me. i am currently memorizing it. i'll use it in a speech.
so Herndon has the corner on the alliteration market. i think ass-o-nance is more my game:

Herndon's words herd fur coats from Zsa Zsa's closet, across the hard-wood and carpet, and into sentences, through his use of obtuse alliterative dissonances.

or something like that.

time, not space.
no.
I have no idea what you're talking about.

--the management

the places to which insomnia leads me. (revised?)

I still think that this post retains some merit; if taken as hyperbole, its words retain their integrity. However, Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." And that verse makes the following post, taken literally, look a bit stupid. But I have opted to leave it up anyway. I have no qualms displaying my sporadic stupidity--it's part of who I am. [added May 25, 2007]...

Sometimes insomnia leads to epiphany. Here's mine for the night, for the day, for whatever:

So God creates light and planets and water and sky and fish and birds and insects and lemmings and Keith Richards and whatever else. His creative impulses finally end up driving him to create man. He sees that all this is pretty good--except for the fact that man is alone, with no suitable companion. God sorts through all the animals, letting man name them one and all. Still no suitable companion. Did God honestly think he was going to end up coming to, say, the duck-billed platypus and decide, "yeah, that'll work"? Well, that's not how it ended up. They went through all the animals and still couldn't find any sort of meaningful companionship for man. So we all know the story: God put man to sleep, took part of his side, and made woman. So that solved the problem--woman was found as a meaningful companion, suitable for man. ...
...
...
I'm beginning to think "no." Here's my insomniac epiphany: I think that God created woman as a means to create other men, so that man could have meaningful companionship, because trying to get anything meaningful out of a woman is like trying to squeeze orange-juice out of a Renoir.

God knew that it was not good for man to be alone, so he devised a clever scheme to increase and perpetuate our numbers, so that we might sit in groups around camp-fires, drinking beer and talking crap about the workings of the universe.

nintendo.

i miss nintendo.

--the management