on to june

Today was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

2011-07-18T21:14:00.002-05:00

I don't know that I've ever had a day before where I was on the verge of tears almost all the way through it. I guess there's always a first. I just got overwhelmed with how bad at life I am. And then when I got home this evening, I eventually managed to numb myself, winning 4 out of 5 games of NCAA Football 2011 on XBox Live. I wish that were worth something. Maybe they'll hear about that at work and give me a raise.

...

Please, Lord, do something. Please.

Ok, I was just reading some of my old posts, and I'm not sure I like that guy that was writing half of those entries, but...

2011-06-30T11:52:00.001-05:00

...might I remind everybody that I do have my own theme music. Click here to be amazed.

College almost ruined me as a writer.

2011-06-29T19:05:00.002-05:00

I have barely written anything since graduating college back in December 2008. That's like two decades in dog years. If I were a German Shepherd, I would totally...not go to work tomorrow. Because they don't allow dogs where I work.

...

I have writer's jet lag.

Guess what I did this past weekend...

2010-03-03T16:04:00.001-06:00

This was one of the best concert openers ever. Love this song. Love the lyrics. Loved the performance. And Jerry Cantrell, who does the lead vocals on this song, was sick. Amazing.

I belatedly wish you all a happy new year.

2010-01-22T10:07:00.002-06:00

You can start reading this again, though I'm not sure how much I'm gonna write here: anything I write on a blog usually gets filed later in my "regret" bin. But I need to write. So... I'm writing. Whatever.

--the management

ROLL TIDE!

2009-12-06T12:48:00.002-06:00

Rolando McClain for Heisman!

I love this song. here are two versions.

2009-10-29T16:04:00.002-05:00

finished.

2009-09-20T10:39:00.002-05:00

This is my last post on this blog for a while. Anyone who checks it periodically can quit wasting their time for the time being.

--the management

Psalm 129:2-3

2009-09-14T20:03:00.000-05:00

Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.
The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.

Mystery Marxist at the helm.

2009-09-06T08:16:00.000-05:00

http://www.morningstarministries.org/Articles/1000056141/MorningStar_Ministries/Media/Special_Bulletins/2009/SPECIAL_BULLETIN_24.aspx

34-24

2009-09-06T08:14:00.002-05:00

Ok, so a rebuilt offensive line factored into the equation a bit more than anticipated. And i forgot about Va Tech's special teams. Still, it was a two score game. I win a bet with my boss. Free lunch at Ted's. And they all lived happily ever after.

That time of year again...

2009-09-05T09:25:00.002-05:00

Here is the prediction for the game tonight:

Alabama 24 -- Virginia Tech 10

Moral of the story: an ACC defense is not the same thing as an SEC defense.

--the management

This is the best music video ever.

2009-08-26T17:19:00.001-05:00

When I voted the Mute Math video the best, I had forgotten about this one. I don't know how. Beautiful.

New career...

2009-08-18T18:45:00.001-05:00

After watching this video, with all the scientists and everything, I have decided.......................

.................
.........that I want to be a monkey when I grow up.

How does Amy have more posts than me? I have at least a year's head start!

2009-08-12T12:47:00.003-05:00

...but that's beside the point. There seems to be an inordinate amount of spiritual warfare going on in the lives around me at this moment. This is the time for vigilance.

From nothing to nowhere.

2009-07-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

This is such a good song. My new favorite artist: A Fine Frenzy.

2009-06-26T21:47:00.001-05:00

2009-06-19T09:39:00.000-05:00

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f4/The_Scream.jpg

my vote for best music video of all time.

2009-05-19T19:43:00.001-05:00

hidden.

2009-05-04T12:44:00.000-05:00

This is pretty cool:

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/magazine/17-05/ff_kryptos?npu=1&mbid=yhp

I like a good mystery.

Ruins.

2009-04-30T13:42:00.002-05:00

A sense of purpose is essential. Sometimes I feel like I am an afterthought in the economy of God's creation. It's kind of hard to stay happy about being alive when there seems to be little meaning in it.

I quit putting up posters in my room when I was fifteen. I knew my family was just going to move after a few months anyway, so why bother trying to maintain any sort of facade that would suggest a sense of permanence? If we're going to effectively function as nomads, why not look the part? I fought the transient nature of my existence for about a year when I was 23. The ironic act of putting posters on the wall after I had packed up and moved to Colorado has never struck me as significant until this moment. Why then? What made me think things were going to solidify in the wake an act that so visibly demonstrated my identity as a vagabond?

Most people who prize the freedom to move do so from a position of safety. Try having that sort of detachment forced upon you in the most traumatic moments of your life. Try having that happen in the midst of getting used to the idea of terra firma.

I don't have a space to call my own at the moment. I feel very displaced--not because I don't have designated living quarters, but because I just keep drifting around aimlessly. I think all of this somehow connects to my fascination with the sci-fi conceit of the zombie apocalypse. I can relate to the idea of waning humanity in the midst of disintegrating ruins. But I also relate to the zombies. I know what it feels like to wander aimlessly, dead to purpose. Zombies have no living quarters; zombies do not put posters on the wall.

Sometimes all you need is a fully automatic, gas-powered, low-recoil 12-gauge shotgun. And a nifty theme song.

2009-04-20T21:24:00.003-05:00

For further details, watch the video in my Sunday, April 5th post, then follow the link in the comments section to Dan's new song. It will all make sense.

Same guy, with a moustache.

2009-04-19T09:33:00.003-05:00

It's the same guy.

2009-04-14T18:25:00.001-05:00

yep.

2009-04-09T20:56:00.001-05:00

One more.

2009-04-08T18:07:00.001-05:00

Here's one more song by Zero 7. I all but demand that Icarus Aquanaut cover one of their songs. I think this would probably be the best one to do.

By the way, my birthday is in June. You know, in case you want to buy me something.

2009-04-05T18:46:00.001-05:00

Chicks with Scottish accents.

2009-04-04T19:15:00.001-05:00

I'm usually a guy who falls for the girl-next-door type. Shirley Manson is my one notable exception to this rule. Viva 1995.

post depression rest disorder.

2009-03-30T18:49:00.006-05:00

Here are two songs that help me deal with being me:

Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)
And this song, which makes me happier than any other song.

2009-03-26T00:51:00.001-05:00

One kid had it worse than that.

2009-03-20T18:49:00.003-05:00

A while back, I made a list of my favorite songs. I knew that it was an impossible task. I have since realized that I left out at least a dozen songs that, without a doubt, should have been in the top 40. This is one of them:

Click here to hear it.

Back when it was a popular song, I heard several people make remarks about its lack of unified meaning. Some people have such a limited perspective.

A familiar stretch of road.

2009-03-05T18:02:00.002-06:00

Tears burn the cuts on my fingertips--
washing minor wounds, ignoring the real ones.
From here on the second floor, it's so easy to see
the city sleeping; I want to sleep.
Instead, we'll drive through the dark, won't we?
Exit life at 59 North, exit 133.

I find despair in the difference
between wanting to die and not wanting to live--
it's that sinking feeling burning through my heart
that I try to tear out as it tears me apart.
Set me free from this vacuum in time.
Help me--I've found no solutions as of exit 133.

Even if all the small things couldn't get to me,
life ends at 59 North, exit 133.

I'm pretty sure cocaine was involved.

2009-02-28T12:54:00.002-06:00

I'm pretty sure this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. This is 80's glam metal distilled into it's most ridiculous form. Hey Dan, be sure to check out the coke frenzy that they put in place of a guitar solo from 2:20 till about 3:00.

Update: I just watched this video to the end. The funniest minute ever caught on film.

displaced.

2009-02-23T19:14:00.002-06:00

Sorry, Norah Jones--you've been displaced. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Sia Furler. I'm really liking this Zero 7 band. What's funny is that I've always heard their song from the Garden State and wanted to find out more about their music. I'm really lazy. Here's my other favorite from the album, The Garden. Enjoy.

Pageant of the ignore the video...

2009-02-20T23:56:00.003-06:00

Ignore the video. I just wanted to share the song with the few folks that read this blog. This is such a flipping amazing song. Actually, the whole album is really good. It's a band called Zero 7. The song is called "Pageant of the Bizarre," and it's off of an album titled The Garden. And the video is ...whatever. There isn't a video for this song. So somebody saw fit to put it to video game footage. And it's the least distracting video of the three homemade ones on youtube.

Two birds, one stone

2009-02-18T15:21:00.001-06:00

Hey Amy, this is the song i was talking about. It's by far my favorite song by The Monkees. And this will give you an idea of how retarded the show was.

Hi-fi revisionism.

2009-02-12T18:23:00.004-06:00

Nevermind the last post. I didn't know this performance edit of this video existed; I had never seen it before. The quality of the audio and video is better than the one in the last post, so I've watched this about twelve times, repeatedly marvelling at the greatness of Siamese Dream. It's one of a handful of perfect albums.

(Hey Chris, where does Jimmy Chamberlin rank in your heirarchy of best drummers?)

The theme song for my nineteenth year.

2009-02-05T19:35:00.005-06:00

...and one of my favorite music videos ever. Brainwash rotation. Summer of '94.

This is why i want to be a rockstar.

2009-01-28T23:56:00.000-06:00

computers suck Vol. II: Apples and Onions

2009-01-19T23:19:00.004-06:00

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

This song makes me really happy.

2009-01-16T00:27:00.000-06:00

31

2009-01-15T19:02:00.002-06:00

Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eye is wasted from grief;
my soul and my body also.
For my life is spent with sorrow,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity,
and my bones waste away.

.......

But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hand...

My pain is self-chosen.

2009-01-04T10:42:00.004-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClRfnUhVjmI

This is a really good song. Click here to listen to it.

--the management

computers suck.

2008-12-29T22:23:00.001-06:00

Goonies never say die.

2008-12-22T18:10:00.000-06:00

So, the last few days have made me begin to rethink my life. Which sounds like a big deal, but Dr Fred reminded me that I rethink my life every time i tie my shoes. oh well. i think this time the rethinking is a bit more crucial. Thomasville has a way of saving my life repeatedly. Good to be (sort of) home.

--the management

An odd heirarchy of priorities.

2008-12-17T22:56:00.002-06:00

Why do most of my friends think it's such a big damn deal that i graduated from college, but don't seem to think much of the fact that i'm in a band that recorded an album with Ric Hordinski? I'm pretty sure that at least a few hundred people graduate from American universities every year. And that's a conservative estimate. How many people do you know that have recorded a cd with Over the Rhine's founding guitarist? College isn't an accomplishment--it's a pyramid-marketing scam.
--the management

Eric Friggin' Clapton.

2008-12-15T19:59:00.003-06:00

Yeah. I wish I were this good...

Life's a bitch...

2008-12-06T21:57:00.000-06:00

...and so that would make today a sonofabitch.
--the management

The Tommy Tuberville Relocation Program.

2008-11-29T21:55:00.005-06:00

36 - 0.

Hey Auburn, we just beat the hell out of you.
You know where you can stick those six fingers.
And let that seventh, which you were so ready to extend in the preseason, remind you of how many times you lost this season.
Enjoy watching the bowl games from the comfort of your own homes.
Roll Tide.

--the management

fin.

2008-11-24T22:09:00.004-06:00

Here are my favorite album-ending tracks:

5) "That Cool Refreshing Drink" -- V Shape Mind / Cul De Sac
5) "Invisible Sun" -- Black Eyed Sceva / 5 Years 50,000 Miles Davis
5) "Passion Song" -- Black Eyed Sceva / Way Before the Flood
5) "Closing Down" -- Poor Old Lu / A Picture of the Eighth Wonder
5) "Moving On" -- Sixpence None the Richer / self-titled
5) "AFK" -- Pinback / Summer in Abaddon
5) "All Apologies" -- Nirvana / In Utero
4) "Regret" -- Dig Hay Zoose / MagentaMantaLoveTree
3) "Trolley Wood" -- Eisley / Room Noises
2) "Rosinante" -- Model Engine / The Lean Years Tradition
1) "Would" -- Alice in Chains / Dirt

It's my damn blog. I can have seven #5's if I want to.

First impressions.

2008-11-08T07:16:00.004-06:00

Taking a cue from the film, High Fidelity, I have arranged a list of what I consider to be the Top 5 Side One, Track One songs of all time. They are listed in Song /Album / Artist format:

5. "Latter Days" / Good Dog Bad Dog / Over the Rhine
4. "Welcome to the Jungle" / Appetite for Destruction / Guns n Roses
3. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band / (eponymous) / The Beatles
2. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" / Nevermind / Nirvana
1. "Hang You Upside Down" / The Lean Years Tradition / Model Engine

I would like to see what you guys think. So, by all means, respond with lists of your own.

--the management

The limitations of beer and of milk and cookies.

2008-11-08T00:09:00.002-06:00

Nevermind. Spoke too soon.

Beer... and Milk and Cookies.

2008-11-06T22:45:00.001-06:00

Any day can be salvaged.

And all I can do is read a book to stay awake...

2008-11-05T21:30:00.004-06:00

So I was on YouTube, looking for a music video I had referenced in an earlier conversation. And then one thing led to another, and I think I pretty much watched all of my favorite videos from the 90's.
The best music video of all time is, in my humble opinion, No Rain by Blind Melon. Just in case anyone was wondering.

It's just another manic monday...

2008-11-03T08:54:00.002-06:00

today has been a bad day. and it's not even 9 oclock yet. and i can't even get coffee. because i left my wallet at home.

i say all this to say, in a semi-public forum, that God is good. it makes me happy to be able to say that on a dreary monday. i'm thankful for that opportunity.

--the management

Danger, Will Robinson!

2008-10-31T18:50:00.003-05:00

"I am new enough on the national political scene that I serve as a blank screen on which people of vastly different political stripes project their own views..." --Barack Obama

...and this is a dangerous thing people. I am not trying to insult anyone's political ideology, I am just asking, "What do you really know about this guy?" He is not established enough to have a track record; therefore, he is not asking you to vote for him on any platform other than change, a nebulous proposition at best. Please realize that not all change is good.

I have many friends who are excited about voting for this guy: none of them are voting for him based on what he's done (how can they--he hasn't really done anything), but rather they intend to cast their votes based on hopes they are projecting onto this "blank screen." Once he is in a position of power, their previously unimpeded ideology--which initially set easily on this seemingly neutral surface--will be displaced, and we will see if the gamble paid off. You heard me correctly: I predicted four years ago that this guy would be president someday. And, again, you heard me correctly: I just called the situation what it is--a gamble.

I read into things. And I sometimes get inordinately strong impressions about people or situations; these sort of impressions are seldom proved to have held no merit. I say all this to warn you that there is something between the lines of everything I have heard this man say, anything I have read that he has written. The "something" is a phantom that I cannot quantify, a specter that I cannot make tangible to you. But I'm fairly certain that this man is not who everyone wants him to be.

required viewing

2008-10-31T08:12:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE-mxVxFXLg&feature=related

sometimes i too feel like a little man in a big suit.

More than anything right now...

2008-10-26T22:52:00.002-05:00

...i would like to be with icarus aquanaut, rocking out our cover of "fake plastic trees".... Ian, get off your butt and invent that matter teleportation device we've always talked about. I'm sure that Nirmal has the parts for it.

--the managemnet

i get by with a little help from my friends.

2008-10-23T06:58:00.004-05:00

so yesterday i relied on the hospitality of two friends, had a good conversation (over starbucks goodies) with another, had another good conversation via phone with yet another one of my friends (on the drive home), and second good phone conversation with an english-major friend, a political argument with another friend (we like conducting arguments, so that's not a bad thing), read some stuff that chall had written back in the day, and then found the following quote from my brother (concerning a song written by icarus aquanaut):

"If your new song were an icecream sandwich that avril lavigne was eating, then I would beat her down with a sock full of quarters and take it from her...because it's really hot, and an icecream sandwich sounds hella good."

I know some really cool people. My friends are a diverse bunch. It's really great to be alive.

choices.

2008-10-20T20:48:00.000-05:00

MA in English or MFA in Creative Writing? Time to stick my neck out and see what happens. Things usually work out better when I don't have a plan decided in advance. (1 Samuel 14:1-14)

christmas eve's eve revisited

2008-10-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

i'm listening to icarus aquanaut's first show on cd. the one where i wrecked my car a half hour before the show was supposed to start. i always like to start a good thing with an impressive wreck. it started with a car wreck and ended with john herndon and john deacon cook singing "Yellow Submarine" with us aquanaut folk. and it all took place at the Submarine. we thought it was cute. it was a very nautical event. and one of the best memories of my life. i really miss being an aquanaut.

humble pie.

2008-10-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

I'm a man. I know how to admit when I've been wrong. So I'm going to go ahead and man up to a mistake I made earlier. I'm not too proud to admit that I was in the wrong.
...
A few posts back, I stated that "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey is the pretender to the crown--that Boston's "More Than a Feeling" is obviously the best rock song of all time. I was wrong.
How could I be so hasty?
The best rock song of all time is definitely "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

My apologies to everyone.

--the management

seeing the house through a skeleton lens.

2008-10-10T21:47:00.000-05:00

sometimes i wonder how it would feel to borrow someone else's paradigm. each person has a set of protocols that his or her perspective automatically filters through when perceiving any given event; this set is made up of the entire collective of perceptions of all the previous events. i guess the first set of protocols are strictly genetic and real-time circumstantial. i see things the way i do, in part, because i was born in the summer rather than the winter; when i was two or three, i fell while climbing my mom's sewing machine table; when i was nine, my basketball team lost every game, save one; when i was twelve, i took a college entrance exam; when i was fifteen, my dad said he wished he'd had a normal son; and when i was eighteen, i had the good fortune to move to dothan. each event, and reaction to that event, builds the next one. i wonder what it would be like to be able to detatch myself from my way of seeing things, from my tendencies toward interpreting events in my habitual manner.

and so being me is kind of weird at the moment. i wonder, as i survey myself with the mind's eyes that i've developed, what it would feel like to see through a different set of eyes.

i feel like a hollowed out house. walls knocked down, sheetrock stripped off, floors broken out. certainly no furniture. no painted walls. some surfaces sanded down, some freshly refinished. empty but not abandoned. i feel very nondescript. i think i am probably alot less interesting than i used to be, but i think i have more structural integrity now than i did when the house had more personality.

drummed.

2008-10-02T06:31:00.000-05:00

I took a pretty big spiritual butt-kicking yesterday. It began the moment I woke up, and didn't end until I was asleep. I didn't take my morning walk, the one where I listen and speak with God. Not like that is a punching-the-clock sort of matter, but when the voices that say, "You're not good enough," begin, it's time to slow down and listen to someone else. Apologies to the people I spoke with via phone yesterday. Sorry I wasn't exactly myself--I was in the middle of a fight.
--the management

i'm so tired that i can't sleep.

2008-10-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

yeah. i'm totally off my game today. spent it all on a paper i wrote this morning. and more writing in the afternoon. spent all my words. spent is a good word for it. maybe the title of this post is inappropriate. i think i'll probably be able to sleep after all.

sunrise vs sunset

2008-09-16T06:36:00.001-05:00

I like a good sunrise better than a good sunset. Sunsets are kind of in-your-face, whereas sunrises are subtle. You can see the sunset coming--it is an observable process. Overt. You can be talking to someone else and not miss it. You have to be paying close attention to fully appreciate a sunrise, and it is best observed in silence. Like I said--it's a subtle occurence. It kind of sneaks up on you, like an unexpected blessing. And unlike a sunset, you don't so much see it coming as much as you feel it coming. I have friends with either preference. It is my informal observation that sunsets are preferred by people who have enjoyed the day; sunrises are preferred by those who have weathered the night.

journey. but not the band...

2008-09-09T22:11:00.000-05:00

...because Journey, the rock band, is overrated. "Don't Stop Believing" is not the best rock song of all time, contrary to popular belief. The best rock song of all time is obviously Boston's "More Than a Feeling"...

But I digress. What I intend to say in this blog is that I'm fairly pretentious. I have lately realized how little I've been writing (blog and otherwise) these days. So, to bring myself back up to speed, I have reviewed all my old blogs. There are a few moments of brilliance, but it gets bogged down at times by overbearing self-conciousness. I once had a friend advise me that my better writing comes when I just write what I have to say in the way I want to say it. Actually, It made more sense the way she said it. In other words, my stuff is better when I just write what's in my head rather than what I think should be there. Without pretensions about style. I still think she said it better. Nevermind.

So I guess I should write a blog. I'll do that tomorrow.
Maybe.

reality.

2008-08-30T23:28:00.000-05:00

Alabama 34 -- Clemson 10.
Moral of the story: a good offensive line REALLY makes or breaks a team.

prediction.

2008-08-30T17:24:00.000-05:00

Alabama 31 -- Clemson 20.
Moral of the story: a good offensive line makes or breaks a team.

hollow.

2008-08-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

i am a disposable human being.

doesn't matter.

2008-08-09T20:05:00.000-05:00

i'm back in the states.

estoy en méxico.

2008-07-10T22:09:00.000-05:00

so, welcome to mexico. i've gotta admit, this place is pretty cool. it's sort of like new orleans without the suck. good food. good music. interesting architecture. and btw, i can speak more español than i gave myself credit for. and they will have the Dark Knight movie here. so take that!

My new favorite movie.

2008-07-06T02:42:00.000-05:00

I saw the film WALL·E this evening. Definitely my new favorite Pixar movie. Right now it's probably my favorite movie period. It was so surprisingly good, in fact, that I expect it to be my favorite movie of 2008, even after the release of The Dark Knight. So add it to the list containing Star Wars IV-VI, the Miyazaki collection, etc. The film was visually stunning, the musical score was amazing, and there was an abundance of subtext to play with in my head. Well worth a theater visit.
--the management

The Queen of Air and Darkness

2008-06-08T22:12:00.000-05:00

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically -- to those who hardly think about us in return." -- from The Once and Future King by T.H. White

beer is good; the rest of this planet pretty much sucks.

2008-05-27T20:28:00.000-05:00

Space aliens come here for the beer. That's it; that's all. Why do you think that alien sightings are connected to things like crop circles, cattle mutilations, and redneck claims of butt probing? These sort of antics do not begin to resemble scientific research, so I'm inclined to think that, if there are aliens, they aren't here for research purposes. I hypothesize that they hold "intergalactic keggers" where they get really tanked up and do the alien equivalents of the stupid crap we people do when we get thoroughly inebriated. "Hey Zerg, pass me another Bud Diesel and check out what we're doing to this passed-out redneck."

--the management

interview?

2008-04-11T10:00:00.000-05:00

So my friend Amanda had to interview one of the contestants in a recent literary contest as an assigment in her journalism class. I was the interviewed party. I liked my answers, so I have decided to put them here. Enjoy.

1. How long have you been writing?
My first attempt at creative writing was in second grade. I went to a private school at which the teachers would read to us for about forty minutes each day after lunch. After having been inspired by a reading of Sheila Burnford's The Incredible Journey, I attempted to write an adventure about a pack of domestic dogs braving it in the wild. I finished the first chapter and, deciding that my story sucked entirely too much to warrant finishing, promptly abandoned the project. My class assignments through sixth grade included alot of creative writing, but that well dried up shortly after I entered the world of public school, where creativity is largely discouraged. It wasn't until the advent of my college career, which I began at age twenty five, that I resumed creative writing (outside of writing song lyrics). I'm thirty one now. I'm not a math major, so you'll have to do the calculations.

2. Is this the first writing contest that you have entered? If no, what others have you entered? Won?
This is the first contest I've entered. I did not win it. Again, I'm no math major, but, according to my calculations, I now have a 0% success rate.

3. Where are you from?
I'm from all over the Southeastern United States. I've resided in fourteen or fifteen different locations, having lived in all of the following states: Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, Tennessee, Colorado, euphoria, and severe depression.

4. What clubs and organizations are you involved in here? Major?
I am a recent addition to both Sigma Tau Delta (English) and Sigma Delta Pi (Spanish). I barely have time for anything extra-curricular, because I'm so far in debt that I have to work a career-type job to pay the bills. This butt: property of The Man. Oh yeah, and the English department.

5. How long have you been at Montevallo?
Let's see, I began in the Fall 2004 semester, and I put my college career on standby from Summer 2006 until the beginning of the Fall 2007 semester. I'll bet you didn't know that word problems would be involved, did you?

6. What inspires you to write?
I have to always be creating something, or else life begins to overwhelmingly suck. If I slow down, creatively speaking, the gravitational pull of all the heavy, depressing stuff in my head defeats inertia and begins collapsing my thoughts in on themselves. So I always have to keep creating, be it poems or songs or short stories or sketches or blog entries or playfully outlandish sentences constructed in colorful, plastic magnet-letters on the side of mom's refrigerator. And Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. And CS Lewis.

7. What poems did you submit to the BACHE?
"Landfill," "Black Ice," "Georgia Mist," and "At Sea."

8. What are your plans after you leave Montevallo?
I haven't thought that far ahead. And I graduate in December, following a one-class fall semester. I probably need to get on that.

9. What are your long-term goals?
Forty two. I've spent alot of time in deep thought over that one.

relative nonsense.

2008-03-10T12:49:00.000-05:00

I absolutely hate relativism.
--the management

emporer's new clothes.

2008-03-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

I've been in the library for the last hour, listening to the college children trying to have grown-up conversation. Too much stylistically-conscious, über-philosophical language. Intellectual fashion modelling. All performed in soundbyte fashion. I have officially decided that the entire world is full of [American Idol].
--the management

Raindrops on roses and anvils on kittens.

2007-12-12T15:34:00.000-06:00

I'm changing this list for the millionth time...
A Top 40 of sorts...
I began this post nearly a month ago, in the vain attempt to list my top twenty or so songs of all time. That's pretty hard--to categorize something as fluid as favorite music. I tried to set up some rules to slim the list, namely the rule that each artist could only be represented on the list once. That didn't help much. I still had to leave off half of my favorite artists. And the list didn't make me look cool enough, because cool bands like Radiohead didn't make the cut. What's worse is that the Radiohead song that was closest to the list was "Creep," their biggest radio hit. So I'm double un-college-indie-artsnob-pseudohyperintellectual-cool. So here is an uncool, imperfect, one-song-per-artist list that represents, for the most part, the songs that would comprise my impossible, imperfect top 40--a list that is unavoidably equal parts all-time favorite and the-strong-gravity-of-the-now favorite:

40) "Quelqu'un m'a dit" by Carla Bruni: This song proves that France is good for something besides the impressionists and soccer players that head-butt Italians. But ha ha Italia won anyway. And somewhere in Florida, Meri C. rejoiced. And my brother and I high-fived. And Carla Bruni, who is married to the French president, probably burned all of her Zidane posters. And I still feel kind of sorry for Thierry Henry, who is a great sportsman and did not headbutt anybody. But I digress.

39) "Light Up My Room" by Barenaked Ladies: It's Canadian, it's beautiful, and, no, it's not Kristen Kreuk. This song reminds me of home--which is kind of funny, because I don't really have one of those.

38) "Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well" by Mike Doughty: Everyone should own Mike Doughty's Haughty Melodic album.

37) "Polyamorous" by Breaking Benjamin: This is such a great sing-along-in-your-car song. Breaking Benjamin's First album was like Nirvana (sans the suicide) meets Tool (sans the disgusting) meets Korn (sans the oom ah grrrr boo I hated highschool mm grrrrr) meets Nirvana again (sans the same thing as the first visit) meets video games (which are pretty much flawless).

36) "Big Heavy World" by Chris Lizotte: Because it is. And I always seem to need something to remind me that everything is going to be okay despite the bigness and heaviness of it all.

35) "Linger" by the Cranberries: This song is beautiful. Hooray Ireland!

34) "Nothin' But a Good Time" by Poison: I would sooooo be lying if I didn't have this song in my top 40. See how honest I am? This song has one of my two favorite guitar solos of all time.

33) "Sloop John B" by the Beach Boys: My favorite "I want to go home" song.

32) "Hazy Shade of Winter" by The Bangles: My second real boyhood crush was Susanna Hoffs. Enough said. Well, actually, I must add that originally I had "Walk Like an Egyptian" representing the Bangles on this list, but I just today listened to this cover and decided it is a better song. It was originally by Simon and Garfunkel--hence, the amazing lyrics. Thanks, Paul Simon.

31) "Shhh!" by Fleming and John: There is a timpani in this song. There is a guitar with a talk-box on this song. There is a Fleming in this song. This song makes me happy.

30) "Not the Same" by Ben Folds: Ben Folds is one of my favorite live acts. The first time I saw him live was in uptown Nashville with Fleming and John. Ian and Chall and I sneaked into the event as they were setting up. We listened to the bands soundcheck. We met the chick in the Ramones shirt. We witnessed Ben Folds rocking the suburbs. We were not the same after that.

29) "Jerry Was a Race Car Driver" by Primus: Back in the days when MTV actually played music videos, my brother and I, as did many teens and pre-teens, watched it incessantly. Early in the summer of 1991, they started playing the video for this song after dark. I guess the MTV execs thought they might scare off Mariah Carey fans if they played it during daylight hours. It definitely warped the musical trajectories of us two little vampires. The first time we saw the video, we sat speechless, all the while thinking, "What the crap is this?!" But every time it appeared, we watched. It's hard not to watch some guy doing two-hand tapping on a six-string fretless bass. And I still consider the guitar solo to be one of the best ever. And anyone who can play this on drums, call me--we need to start a band.

28) "Stormy Hill" by Fold Zandura: I still haven't forgiven that mild-rock juggernaut Switchfoot for stealing Jerome from one of the best song-making tandems in underground music. Last I heard, the other half, Jyro, was paying the bills by playing with Crystal Lewis. How could you, Switchfoot?

27) "Birds" by Over the Rhine: And I still think Eve is OTR's best album.

26) "How Could You Want Him When You Know You Could Have Me?" by the Spin Doctors: A great underdog love song. Oh, and it has a clever Shakespeare reference.

25) "So Damn Cool" by Ugly Kid Joe: This song has my other favorite guitar solo of all time. The lead guitarist built his main axe in his high school wood-shop class. I'm pretty sure he installed a flux capacitor.

24) "Flowing" by 311: The lyrics are simple, but I really like them.

23) "Keep Me in Mind" by DigHayZoose: It's dreamy and jazzy and just a touch silly, all at the same time. Most love songs suck. DHZ does it right.

22) "Hysteria" by Muse: Because even neo-hipsters need something cool to listen to. I mean, would you want to have to listen to that borderline-emo crap all the time?

21) "Don't Hold Back" by The Normals: While having a mostly random conversation with Chall one day, I accidentally stumbled onto the best way of describing what this song means to me: When I listen to this song, I want to go destroy the Deathstar.

20) "Typical" by Mute Math: Great song, great video. While in Cincinnati, we took a break from recording our modest little cd and went to see Mute Math live. The drummer came out and immediately gaff-taped a big set of headphones to his head. I knew they meant business.

19) "The Red" by Chevelle: This has such a cool music video. Hi, I'm Pete Loeffler, and I am learning to manage my anger. By kicking butt.

18) "Bullshed" by The Apex Theory: I'm still not sure what this means, but it means something. And I'm pretty sure it's something rather complex, since there's a nice little time-signature shift to begin the second verse.

17) "So Real" by Jeff Buckley: The Mississippi River took away one of the best things that ever happened to music. The only other human with Jeff Buckley's super-power (beautiful dissonance) is Jeremy Post (who appears later in the list under the bands Model Engine and Black Eyed Sceva).

16) "Faith Healer" by Tora Tora: One of the best bands of the late 80's/early 90's totally got cheated by being put in the same rock-purgatory as all the other hair rock acts. No fair. These guys were the best thing to ever happen in Memphis. Although I say that without ever having been to Graceland. I'm sure it's really great, but I'm pretty sure I like Tora Tora better.

15) "River of Deceit" by Mad Season: There is no other song that is even remotely like this one; there is no replacement for this song when the mood to hear it hits me. This is definitely the standout on its album. For the uninitiated, Mad Season was a side project that included both Mike McCready from Pearl Jam and Layne Staley from Alice in Chains.

14) "Hard to Get" by Rich Mullins: Rich Mullins proves that popular Christian music doesn't have to suck. This song is simultaneously heavy, liberating, simple, deep, and honest. And it was all done with one tape recorder, one acoustic guitar, and one Rich Mullins.

13) "Drain You" by Nirvana: Everybody always talks about "Smells Like Teen Spirit," but I still maintain that this is the best song on Nevermind. Either this one or "Lithium." Or "On a Plain." It was a hard choice among the three, so I had a rock-paper-scissors tournament with myself to determine which song from this legendary album would represent.

12) "Struggle Enough" by Standing on Earth: This band is almost entirely unknown. Too bad. Their only album, Feeltrip, is one of the best albums ever made, and, out of all the albums with songs on this list, it gave me the most trouble in selecting a representative favorite cut. I just closed my eyes and picked a song. Man, that would have been an ugly rock-paper-scissors free-for-all.

11) "No Rain" by Blind Melon: This song is pretty much the biography of my first twenty-three years on planet earth. And it repeatedly saved my life in high school.

10) "3 x 0" by Pinback: Pinback is probably my favorite currently-active band. Sorry, Mute Math and Eisley. Pinback's new album, Autumn of the Seraphs, put them over the top. But I digress. This song is from the album before that (Summer in Abaddon).

9) "Marvelous Things" by Eisley: And Eisley gets their revenge by clocking in higher on my list. The first time I heard this song, I was driving south on 65, and then somehow I ended up in Trolley Wood. Magic or science? Or a busted GPS? You be the judge.

8) "Sky High" by the Prayer Chain: This song is nine minutes long. Anyone who knows anything about my attention span will realize the importance of the fact that this song is in the top ten. Andy Prickett + single coil pickups + an occasional ebow = nine minutes of highly listenable music.

7) "Rosinante" by Model Engine: This song is from my undisputed, all-time favorite album, The Lean Years Tradition. Lyrically speaking, there isn't even a close second place to this album. Except maybe 5 Years, 50,000 Miles Davis or Way Before the Flood by Black Eyed Sceva. The catch there is that 2/3 of BES is the same as Model Engine, including the lyricist, Jeremy Post. This song ends The Lean Years Tradition and comes complete with an amazingly literate chorus--a refrain which references Cervantes' Don Quixote--and a subtly-applied didgeridoo--an instrument which seems to lack a standardized spelling.

6) "End of the World" by Icarus Aquanaut: C'mon. I couldn't rightfully put my own band in the top five. But I really wanted to. When I listen to this song, I almost forget that I helped create it. Again, anyone who knows me or my tendency toward self-deprecation will realize the importance of the fact that this is one of my favorite songs.

5) "Summertime" by The Sundays: When I listen to this song, for three and a half minutes, girls don't suck, my life is not ruined, falling in love is totally possible, and it's great to be alive. I probably need to walk around plugged into my iPod with this song on repeat.

4) "Naomi" by Neutral Milk Hotel: This song was originally higher on my list, but then I realized that #3 and #2 had seniority. The melodies in this song are both haunting and intoxicating. Neutral Milk Hotel makes some of the most real music I've ever heard.

3) "Would?" by Alice in Chains: A moment of silence, please. This song might be the most important song in my life. And I don't say that lightly. This song is greater than the sum of its parts. And the video made me sure I was meant to be a guitarist.

2) "Primrose" by Black Eyed Sceva: Or maybe the "most important song" honor goes to this one. The first time I heard Black Eyed Sceva was on Christmas day of 1995. My brother bought the album for me because it looked interesting. The music was so rich that I couldn't understand it at first. In fact, I couldn't even tell if I liked it or not until I came to the sixth song on the album. That would be this one. It changed everything. This cut has one of the most tasteful guitar solos ever recorded. And great dynamics. It was number one for a long time...

1) "Vertical Asymptotes" by Dan Warren: ...And then along came Dan Warren. This song sounds like life more than any other song I've ever heard. I'm sure I've listened to this one hundreds of times by now, but I still find it challenging. And that's a good thing. Thanks, Dan.

droning.

2007-11-29T19:06:00.001-06:00

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())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()
())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()
())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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black ice.

2007-11-14T11:16:00.001-06:00

“Black Ice”
by john lake moss

There is black ice on every road and a black hole at the center of the universe. The black hole lies in the center of the universe like a cat lying in the tall grass of an open field, waiting to spring on birds none-the-wiser. The black hole is sucking everything down like an open drain at the bottom of a bathtub full of dirty water. While I ponder these amazing, semi-substantiated facts, my feet slip on the black ice, displacing me from terra firma, and I realize that the universe is a very cold place in which to live. I laugh as I fall to the earth.

Black ice earth; black hole universe. The stars are brilliant and beautiful, because God loves to make things brilliant and beautiful; I wish I were brilliant and beautiful. I lie upon my black ice grave and choke on sobs consisting of the discomfort of my existence.

As I lie in the middle of the black ice road, I laugh and cry prayers up to heaven, hoping all the while that the black hole in the middle of this mess doesn’t snatch them away like a greedy little child who, while refusing to let mommy clean the remnants of repast from around his mouth, smiles defiantly and grabs at any unfortunate object that falls within the reach of his gluttonous hands. The stars are still brilliant and beautiful, in a Gloria-in-Excelsis-Deo sort-of-a way; they are brilliant and beautiful, and they remind me of redemption. The stars laugh and play in the winter midnight sky, unaware of the black ice below, unconcerned with the black hole beyond.

At Sea.

2007-11-13T21:22:00.000-06:00

I
am a ship becalmed,
alone,
and there is only
silence
as far as eye can
see.

d.w. vs. the previous post.

2007-11-05T20:49:00.000-06:00

ok, so maybe life can be beautiful at times. as long as Dan Warren is making music, life doesn't suck quite as badly as i'd have everyone believe. go to the following website--these are the droids you're looking for:
http://www.whatstudios.net/dan/wttef.html
"vertical asymptotes" is still my favorite, but "scrapiron peacocks" is a tie for a close second, along with the new one, "birds in wal-mart."
but i still say watch out for the black ice on the roads-- because there's nothing you can do about that black hole that sits at the center of the universe, sucking everything down like an open drain at the bottom of a bathtub full of dirty water.

Life is hardly beautiful.

2007-11-05T13:41:00.000-06:00

There is black ice on every road and a black hole at the center of the universe.

Innocents Abroad. "Is he dead?"

2007-10-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

I hope that Mark Twain, before dying, made his peace with God--because I really would like to meet them both, face to face; and in the case that the two have made separate living arrangements, I shall have to forfeit hopes of meeting The Riverboat Genius. And that would be a darn shame.

a neighborhood full of identical cul-de-sacs...

2007-10-16T08:25:00.000-05:00

i feel really used up.

Life is boring; I feel disconnected from it.

2007-09-24T19:00:00.001-05:00

...

It's a small world after all...

2007-08-05T20:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, so my brother just met Mikhail Baryshnikov in a Starbucks in Birmingham, Alabama. How unexpected is that? My brother was having coffee at the time with his friend, Brian, who speaks a little Russian, so they walked up to the guy and gave their regards in the guy's native language. They said he was very nice. I usually expect celebrities to not be very nice, so my brother's transcription of the event was a bit of a surprise, even aside from the expected "what-the-crap" factor inherent in the event of running into a famous Cold War expatriate.

--the management

Verbal pauses.

2007-08-02T10:24:00.000-05:00

I wish I had something important and wise to say. But I don't. If I did, I would say it in Hemingway fashion. I guess I'll have to wait around a bit more and see if inspiration strikes me in the coming days. 30 days, 3 hours, and 15 minutes until the Crimson Tide's football season kicks off. Hmmm. How about this weather we're having? Wait, that was supposed to be rhetorical... How about this weather we're having.

--the management

Thank you, Mr Sour.

2007-07-25T18:10:00.000-05:00

I've formulated several retrospective observations from little scraps of ideas left in the wake of a discourse I had with a somewhat irrational deviantArt user, whom I will henceforth refer to as Mr Sour. Mr Sour began the dialogue by submitting an ambiguous, dismissive comment in the advanced critique encouraged section of one of my posted fiction pieces: "I'll bother to read this when you bother to format it properly"—I hardly find such critique to be very advanced. I shouldn't have responded, but I sent him a note offering advice on how to be constructive with criticism. I didn't mean to be condescending, I promise, it’s just that I have learned the hard way that a poor attitude will nearly always come back to haunt its perpetrator. I was just trying to help, but Mr Sour totally missed my point and turned what was meant to be friendly advice into fodder for his ostentatious, argumentative exactitude-fetish. Did I mention he was irrational? In looking for proof of my alleged writing ineptitude, the guy exulted over a misspelled word—to him proof positive that I can’t write well. In actuality, the correct correlation between mistake and ineptitude lies in my skill as a typist. And if one mistake in spelling signifies that I'm a faulty writer, then one mistake in reasoning signifies that this guy a faulty thinker. But I digress. Compulsive obsession over who’s correct and who’s faulty is the stuff that divorces, estranged friendships, and job-terminations are made of.

I’ve gained a few revelations from this episode:

1) Save instruction for those on whom it will not be wasted. “Do not give what is holy to dogs or throw your pearls before pigs; otherwise they will trample them under their feet and turn around and tear you to pieces.” –Matthew 7:6. “Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” –Proverbs 9:8

2) I’ve succeeded in my writing. The following is an excerpt from the acrimonious Mr Sour’s ultimate analysis of my posted work: “…what you produce is trash. Looking past your formatting reveals a bleak, toneless waste of textual juxtaposition. You have no concept of imagery.” Thank you. First, the fact that he bothered to give my work that much consideration means that it in some way affected him. Good. My love of Impressionism began with strong contempt for Monet: I couldn't ignore his work, and it eventually won my appreciation. I assume that Mr Sour harbors a passionate love for my work that underlies the apparent tension between my writing and his stylistic leanings. This counterintuitive ardor confuses him, as it defies his pretentious, aesthetically-composed predilections. He's my biggest fan, but what would his friends think if they knew? Second, I’ve recently been trying to compose works that, to a degree, contain all of the attributes mentioned in Mr Sour's ostensibly negative review. For reasons that extend well beyond the scope of this journal, I’ve been trying to construct poems and narratives that feel somewhat empty. A wasteland beneath a veneer of milk-and-honey pastureland. An awkward, empty shell of elegance. Thoughtful nothingness. You get the picture. Like Neutral Milk Hotel songs playing on an antique phonograph in an otherwise empty room whose walls are wallpapered in pages ripped from both Sherwood Anderson's Winesburg, Ohio and Ernest Hemingway's In Our Time. Sort of.

3) Finally, I’ve learned that it is good to convert pointed, negative commentary into encouragement for the discouraged. As a result of this episode, I happened to take particular notice of a journal entry written by a recent visitor to my deviantArt site—a young girl who had been harassed by elitist dA users over trivial protocols. A self-proclaimed amateur, she was humbly requesting assistance, but received only inexorable criticism for having done so. I left an encouraging comment on her journal page and proceeded to peruse her gallery. As it turns out, she’s a very good writer—much better than I was when I was her age, arguably much better than I am now. I hope my words contribute to her future success, as I have no doubt she possesses the potential to be a famous writer someday. It is good to speak life.

That’s all I have to say about that. Almost. Before I conclude, let me just reassert my belief that formatting, however important, is simply a means to an end. Such a statement would certainly offend the rigid sensibilities of one Mr Sour, and the thought of Mr Sour with an especially puckered expression makes me happy.

--the management

enjoy the silence.

2007-06-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." --Proverbs 17:28

So one of these days I'm going to learn to keep my mouth shut. I think I'm a much better writer than talker. I mean, my writing might not be eloquent, but I can only think of a couple of times when something I've written has come back to bite me in the butt. Don't get me wrong--I've left in writing my share of idiot-markers along the road, but I don't feel quite as bad about having to retract something I've left in writing as I do about having to clean up spoken-word spills. I guess it's because I'm not as awkward on paper as I am in real life. Telephones, voicemails, and camcorders are my sworn enemies: put me in an arena with any of these contraptions and watch them hack away at my usable intellegence quotient. Hmmm.
So I guess there are one of two lessons to be learned here:
either
1) I am a human anachronism who should have been born before the age of word-capturing devices (and born mute, as an added safeguard)
or
2) I should quit speaking as much as I do.
The first item isn't really a lesson to be learned, but a one-item list looks kind of dumb. Come to think of it, this post looks kind of dumb. I take back that part about me being less awkward in print than in person.

--the management

direction?

2007-06-24T22:15:00.000-05:00

Last night I was reminded of how powerful and important are the prayers of a mother for her son.

recently.

2007-06-16T08:59:00.000-05:00

the day before yesterday was bad: i managed to put my foot in my mouth every time i opened it, and pretty much every action i took was a misstep. but yesterday was quite the opposite. and the braves won last night, despite giving the indians a 3-0 lead in the first few innings. in fact, if i were writing my own story, i would have put that in the chapter containing the last two days, so that anyone close-reading could have something about which to write an english paper:

The baseball game at the end of the chapter serves as a symbol that ties together the other events of this minor story arc...

I miss writing english papers.

--the management

knots, rocks, and words in between the lines.

2007-06-14T22:25:00.000-05:00

my stomach is in knots. i want to crawl under a rock and hide for the next few days. stupid john, stupid john, stupid john.

thirty-one.

2007-06-13T12:35:00.000-05:00

I began my birthday by going to a funeral: God loves to write irony into my life. I didn't know the deceased that well.
In other news, I share a birthday with William Butler Yeats. I just thought you, the reader, should know this.
I decided last week that, since I also share a birthday with the Olsen twins, and since I was here first, I should charge them rent or royalties or something.
Happy Birthday to me. I think my b-day present to myself will be a nice, afternoon birthday nap.
If anyone knows the Olsen twins, tell them they owe me twenty-one years worth of Birthday Rent. I'll be happy to take either cash or a personal check.

--the management

i'm on a roll.

2007-06-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

i just owned a bunch of my friends at poker, thereby winning gas money for my trip to dothan this weekend. that was only the second time i've played texas hold 'em. i'm kind of proud of myself at the moment.
--the management

utility.

2007-06-04T09:36:00.000-05:00

on faith and usefulness...
this is a subject that has been coming up quite frequently these days. i have a friend who recently wanted my opinion on her pursuit of artistic endeavors--muses she felt compelled to explore but, simultaneously, felt guilty for engaging, because in these endeavors the immediate gratification of feeling useful to the LORD was absent. She felt like her artistic vision couldn't be from God, because surely he would have her doing more useful things, like working in a soup kitchen, rebuilding New Orleans, going to Africa, etc.
The following is an edited version of the ideas I sent back to her:

Christians do not function properly for the glory of God when they measure their value along the lines of presumed utility. Conventional wisdom might lead us to believe that the abandonment of creative outlets and the dedication of our time to allegedly practical matters would please God more than the seemingly frivolous creation of art , but who is to say that efficiency according to mortal standards is what God is after? Time belongs to Him; He will give each of us enough time to complete our allotted tasks. Imagine a world where CS Lewis tried to be Mother Theresa. That's not a world in which I want to live.
Actually, the issue of use keeps coming up. You and I just have to remember that neither of us is God. And God knows that every person will not be saved. Either of us might one day be in the position to take a "useful" action and save hundreds of people, whereas we could have contributed to the salvation of thousands, if only we had felt comfortable being a part of something that, on the surface, appeared useless. God is God, and more likely than not, the most "useful" things will not appear very useful. The kingdom is counterintuitive.

So that's all I have to say about that. Well, that's not all I have to say about that, but that's all I feel like writing at the moment.

Crimson Tide expectations 2007: Roll Tide.

2007-05-18T14:29:00.000-05:00

Alabama football fans are now happy; the collective opposition, it seems, is not. I'm amused by all the media articles that would like to rain on our parade with dismal speculation concerning Saban's future with the Tide. Some say that this chapter in our football history cannot end well--that either 1) Saban will not meet expectations and will, therefore, get the boot or 2) Saban will meet expectations and eventually leave U of A. The one variable that these naysayers do not account for, however, is the fact that Tide recruiting is off to an impressive start for Saban, and--provided that these recruits pay dividends for the program--Saban is not likely to leave a job as the winning coach of the most storied program in college football history. I agree that if Saban under-achieves he might be lynched; but were I Mal Moore (Bama's AD), I would not plan for that contingency given the present circumstances. The more likely scenario is success in terms that Tide fans can live with, and this will not likely precipitate Saban's departure. Saban has left Michigan State; Saban has left pro football: both times he left for what he perceived to be greener pastures. There is no upward mobility from a successful head-coaching position at the University of Alabama--for evidence of this, see entries on Bryant and Stallings.
...
So what should Tide fans expect? Personally, I'm hoping for a 9-3 record. I will be happy with 8-4. I think that 7-5 under a new system is certainly excusable, especially given Bama's tough schedule. 10-2 wouldn't exactly shock me, but anything 10-2 and up would certainly qualify as fairy-tale status in my book. Then again, Tuscaloosa has been the land of fairy-tales over the last few months. Back in November, most non-Tide voices said a decent coach was beyond the realm of reasonable expectations, but look what happened with that.

Rain, Death, and Other Lame Cliches

2007-05-18T09:03:00.000-05:00

It was raining the day my father died, which is the quintessential manifestation of cliched imagery if you ask me. The difference between is and was becomes so great at the point of death that I think a better illustration would have been an earthquake--a gaping crack in the ground leading from my feet in Fultondale, Alabama to my dad's dead body in Murphreesboro, Tennessee. Or perhaps a tornado--a chaotic vacuum that aimlessly roams the earth, impersonally destroying a variety of personal items and lives that are unfortunate enough to fall into its predestined, seemingly random path.
Anything but rain. I've often thought that God could have done better than rain. Perhaps God was aiming for irony. When I was a baby, my familiy lived in Okinawa, where there was only one television station that had programming in the English language. Every night the station signed off with a song whose lyrics state, "I can see clearly now that the rain is gone." According to my parents' lore, if the TV set was left on at an audible volume come 2 AM, I would always wake up, searching for the song's point of origin. My dad died, the rain came, the rain is gone, and I cannot see clearly at the moment. And I'm still not sure where this song is coming from.

All cats should be secured to a wall...

2007-04-25T11:05:00.000-05:00

...with Cook's Cat Glue!
Yes, Cook's Cat Glue is an amazing product that no household should find lacking.
Here is what the public at large has to say about Cook's Cat Glue:

"It's amazing--that cat was glued to the friggin wall!
I was entertained for hours!" --John M.
"Time, not space. No. I have no idea
what you're talking about." --Ian F.

Cook's Cat Glue--for all your mounting-taxidermied-cats-to-the-wall needs!
Cook's Cat Glue! Apply straight to the forehead!